


He'd probably...

by samstoleaburger



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dante and Nero Being Idiots, Fantasizing, I Don't Even Know, I Was Bored When I Wrote This, I'm Sorry, M/M, Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-09 22:32:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5558027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samstoleaburger/pseuds/samstoleaburger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nero shot him a look. "Can you not talk or think about sex for, I dunno, <i>a few minutes</i>?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <span class="small">(In which Nero and Dante aren't as sneaky as they think they are and Vergil's stealth skills should be feared.)</span></p>
            </blockquote>





	He'd probably...

**Author's Note:**

> This randomly crossed my mind sometime back. However, as we all know, when you don't write something down immediately you forget about more than half of what you thought of. Which sucks. I'll probably remember later after I post this and be kicking myself.
> 
>  
> 
> I wasn't lying about being bored in the tags though. Apparently tormenting Vergil like this is my favorite pastime...? I have no idea, but I made myself laugh a little while writing it. Also kinda-sorta trying to get as much DMC out as I can before I lose my drive. If that makes sense. Y'know, get back into a series, write what you can before you fall back into another. That kind of thing.

It was a lazy afternoon in the Devil May Cry. Nero and Dante were in the lobby talking while Vergil was in the kitchen preparing lunch. (Dante had been banned from preparing meals after burning a pot of water more than once.) They had conversed over a variety of topics until, somehow, someway, Vergil became their newest subject. It had been simple until one of them - Nero would insist that it was Dante if questioned - brought up how Vergil seemed more focused on the business part of the 'business _and_ pleasure.'  
  
One thing led to another and, well...  
  
"Please. A pretty face like that doesn't belong to an angel. It belongs to a devil."  
  
Nero waved him off with a dismissive flick of the wrist. "Whatever. I'm just saying his kisses are probably all soft and shy -"  
  
"' _shy?_ ' Vergil? Kid, I think you got the wrong guy."  
  
"Shut up. I'm serious." He placed his elbows on the desk, hands up and fingers splayed. "I mean, have you _seen_ that mouth?"  
  
Dante rolled his eyes. "In the mirror every single day."  
  
"Dick." Nero paused for a minute before curling his fingers slightly and biting the corner of his lip. "They're probably the most addictive kisses you could ever have. Like you're the only one on his mind."  
  
He gave an incredulous snort, leaning back in his office chair. "You're making him out to be mushier than he actually is." Dante threaded his fingers together and swung his feet up, ankles crossed, onto the desk. He pursed his lips before poking his tongue out to wet them slowly. "He'd totally kiss and fuck like he fights. Quick, relentless and no mercy whatsoever."  
  
"Whatever gets your rocks off, old man." Nero muttered, cocking his head to peer into the kitchen where the source of their gossip was. "I'm telling you, Vergil's got a soft spot somewhere under that hardass exterior."  
  
A smirk. "Oh, he's got a 'soft spot' all right."  
  
Nero shot him a look. "Can you not talk or think about sex for, I dunno, _a few minutes_?"  
  
Dante shrugged and shook his head. "Look, kid, the day he has a soft spot is the day Hell freezes over. I'm lucky he hasn't killed any of our clients for one reason or another. He almost gave one an impromptu amputation just for touching him."  
  
"Dante, no offense, but I don't think any demon hunter likes being touched." He jabbed his index finger at Dante once he opened his mouth to protest. "I don't like it either. Hell, _Lady_ doesn't like people touching her. So don't try getting that past me." Nero flexed his jaw, lowering his hand onto his Devil Bringer. "It's kinda like an occupational hazard. We can't trust anyone."  
  
The will to talk seemed to be sapped away after that and they sat there in silence, the only sound filling the quiet coming from the kitchen. A knife slicing at a steady, brisk pace, ' _chop, chop, chop_.'  
  
"Y'know..." Dante started, voice hushed and leaning in as if sharing something top secret. He grinned, his smile soon turning wicked when Nero got closer from his interest being peaked. "He probably bites his lower lip when -"  
  
"Oh for - Dante!" Nero dropped his face into his palm and rubbed his forehead as his jaw ticked. "I don't need the mental image!"  
  
"C'mon, you know you love it. Betcha think about it when you're alone in your room."  
  
"I'm going to kill you."  
  
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say."  
  
What they failed to realize then was that Vergil was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed, eyebrow raised and very unimpressed with the two demon hunters.


End file.
